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Attachment Style Parenting Quiz

Instructions: For each question, choose the answer that best reflects how you typically respond in parenting situations. Keep track of your answers by noting down the letter of your response. After completing the quiz, tally your answers to identify your primary attachment style.

1. When my child is upset, I…

A) Comfort them and reassure them that everything will be okay, providing them with the support they need.

B) Feel anxious myself, often overthinking how to help or worrying I might not be doing enough.

C) Encourage them to calm down on their own and avoid getting too involved

.D) Feel confused about how to respond and often find myself acting unpredictably.

2. If my child is distant or avoids me, I feel…

A) Confident that they will come around and trust that they are safe.

B) Anxious and worried that they are upset with me or that they might need something that I’m not aware of.

C) Indifferent and believe they’ll be fine without much interaction.

D) Overwhelmed and uncertain, unsure whether to give them space or engage them more.

3. When my child seeks comfort, I…

A) Gently embrace them and help them feel secure and understood.

B) Feel like I must fix the problem right away, often getting overly involved.

C) Sometimes encourage them to “tough it out” and not make a big deal of it.

D) Can sometimes be inconsistent, offering comfort at times but pulling away at others.

4. How do you feel about your relationship with your child?

A) I feel secure and confident in our bond, knowing I am here for them no matter what.

B) I often worry about our connection and sometimes feel unsure whether I’m doing enough.

C) I sometimes feel like we’re distant, but I believe my child is capable of managing on their own.

D) I sometimes feel confused about our relationship, unsure whether it’s stable or unpredictable.

5. When my child misbehaves, I…

A) Set clear, loving boundaries and explain why the behavior isn’t acceptable, reinforcing trust.

B) Often become upset or feel personally hurt, struggling to manage my emotions.

C) Respond by withdrawing, hoping they will learn on their own without too much interference.

D) React inconsistently, sometimes being strict and other times too lenient, leaving the child uncertain about what to expect.

6. When it comes to emotional closeness, I…

A) Feel comfortable being emotionally close and available to my child.

B) Feel a constant need for closeness but often worry about being too much for my child.

C) Tend to give my child space and don’t always push for closeness.

D) Feel uncertain about when to be close or distant, sometimes behaving unpredictably.

7. How do you react when your child is angry with you?

A) I calmly address the issue and reassure them that everything will be okay, keeping the communication open.

B) I feel anxious and try to fix the situation immediately, fearing that they might withdraw.

C) I tend to give them space and don’t press them to express themselves.

D) I’m unsure how to react and can go between feeling hurt or shutting down emotionally.

8. How do you feel about independence in your child?

A) I encourage my child to explore and develop independence, knowing they can return for support when needed.

B) I struggle to allow them independence, often fearing they might not be able to handle it on their own.

C) I’m okay with them being independent and don’t worry much about them seeking comfort.

D) I feel torn about independence, sometimes encouraging it and other times feeling unsure about letting go.

9. How often do you find yourself questioning your parenting decisions?

A) Rarely. I trust my instincts and feel confident in my approach.

B) Often. I worry if I’m doing the right thing and over analyze my choices.

C) Occasionally. I trust my child’s ability to navigate life but sometimes wonder if I should intervene more.

D) Frequently. I often question my responses and feel uncertain about what’s best for my child.

10. When your child needs comfort, how do you typically respond?

A) I calmly offer comfort, assuring them that they are safe and loved.

B) I become anxious and may overly focus on solving the problem to ease their distress.

C) I may suggest they handle it on their own, giving them space to figure things out.

D) I’m often unsure whether to provide comfort or to give them space, sometimes acting unpredictably.

Scoring Your Results:

• Mostly A's: Secure Attachment You provide a stable, loving, and consistent environment for your child. You are comfortable with closeness and boundaries and can manage your emotions while being emotionally available.

• Mostly B's: Anxious Attachment You may worry about your child’s needs and often feel uncertain or anxious about their emotional state. You tend to overthink situations and sometimes struggle to set healthy emotional boundaries.

• Mostly C's: Avoidant Attachment You tend to value independence, both for yourself and your child, and may prefer to keep emotional distance. While you might not focus on comfort or emotional closeness, you trust that your child will be fine on their own.

• Mostly D's: Disorganized Attachment Your parenting may feel unpredictable at times, with inconsistent responses to your child’s emotional needs. You might feel confused about how to navigate the emotional aspects of parenting and may struggle with providing stability.

Reflection:

Remember we do not blame or shame ourselves as that is as helpful as a whisper in a hurricane.

Now that you’ve identified your attachment style, consider how it might influence your parenting. Each style has its strengths and areas for growth, and being aware of your attachment style can help you develop more mindful parenting strategies that foster a secure attachment with your child. Every day we have opportunities to f*ck up. But we also have opportunities to be a great parents.